Monday, February 1, 2016

Success and Marriage

When entering a marriage, the idea of it ever ending or being less than blissful is felt differently by each individual.  The basic factors such as the way in which each individual was raised, how interactive their parents were with each other and the nature of the relationship going into marriage can have an effect. Unfortunately, the world also poses its own set of rules and predictions for what marriage will last forever or what one is doomed from the start.

Despite these tendencies, predictions and worldly interpretations, some solid foundations need to be in place before the wedding bells toll. Here are some helpful tips to remember.

*Be committed to putting in that extra effort even when it is not fun or comfortable.  All too often, the "D" word is thrown around and placed in the back of the mind for when the going gets too rough.  Use those tough experiences to grow and broaden your marriage.  The gift of time can give the couple an opportunity to work through hurdles with reduced stress and challenge.

*Keep a marital random act of kindness bank account.  Similar to a bank account that operates on deposits and withdrawals, a marriage mirrors that routine.  It is all too easy to snap and lose your cool and mutter an unkind word or unloving gesture.  These are the withdrawals of the marital bank account.  Deposits need to regularly generate to keep the bank account, or marriage, alive and thriving and in the black.  Be creative with your deposits and when you are tempted to fire back in the midst of strife, try to release the trigger and opt instead for a deposit.  The rewards, while not always immediate, will eventually pay out generously.

*Change it up.  Stagnate anything eventually rots.  If your mode of operation is so predictable then change it up.  Get out of the rut and get out of the mindset that it has always been done this way. The only constant is change and if you desire for things to be different, it can start with you.  With each moment we are given this life to share with someone else, you are given a chance to grease the wheel of positive change which produces results.

*Lay down your lives.  This can be confused with protection, however it is far more than just protection.  Husbands, protecting your wife from an intruder and laying down your life to protect her is honorable.  It also includes the day to day examples of laying down your interests to be present for her.  The gift of your attention and presence for her when she needs it and you offer it to her, despite the sometimes inopportune timing, can offer a return on your selfless gesture with large dividends.  That event or thing which previously captured your attention will be forgotten, but the gift of laying down your life will be remembered for some time.

*Communicate.  This word is tossed around and yet is quick to fall off the marital beaten path.  We know we need to communicate and we know how easily misinterpretations happen and communication barriers.  The path of disagreements due to lack of communication is well-paved.  But this can be worked on and improved.  The key is to be consistent and regularly work the communication muscle.  The finger is often pointed at the women to resist the temptation of expecting mind-reading to take place.  If this is hurdle in your marriage, work on it.  Communicate your needs and be open to what your spouse is saying.  Receive what he or she is saying as an opportunity to improve and grow the marriage.

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