Studying the Female Anxiety Trap

It is no surprise that the teenage years can hold a great amount of stress and heaviness.  Starting with a candid look at the teenage girl, much of her stress can come from the constant reminder that she is being evaluated in everything: her appearance, clothing style, relationship potentials, grades, friendships, future, and even things like whether or not she was invited to a get together or whether someone posted about her in a negative way.

Whether a parent, fellow friend, or others can understand, what may seem insignificant to the rest of the world, it can feel enormous to the teenager that is being judged.  And that is when anxiety enters her mind.  It may start with something minimal such as entertaining a "What if...?" thought.  Questions like, 'What if others don't accept me?' or 'What if I embarrass myself?' and many other creations that become looped in the mind as a ruminating thought.

Before long, those questions have turned into the creation of ten additional "What if?" questions.  The litany of questions and anxiety may feel like the enemy, but it is the job of the Amygdala, in the brain, to step up and be the watchtower looking out for potential dangers.  

When the alarm is activated several results take place from that signal.  The stomach often tenses, heart races, the chest may feel tighter and your thoughts go off-leash and start producing a barrage of negative thoughts.  The brain is trying to warn that something may be wrong so take note and be aware.

Those thoughts that accompany actual dangers need this alarm system.  The difficulty is that there are system malfunctions where the alarm activation results from the possibility as though it was definite and not potential.

A thought like, "What if I was stood up?" can turn into "I was stood up."  The first statement is a fear and the second is a conclusion.  It is essential that the variance of those two are well understood as that application in real time can be powerful.

Going back to that initial fear and assessing it differently can be a great start.  Ask what is actually known because in the space of texting a friend, for example, an hour passing with no response, anxiety will fill in that empty space with assumptions like the friend is mad at you.  Something was said that she took negatively.  She is ignoring me and probably everyone is together having a great time without you.  But, in this space of time, instead of using it to go into the worst case scenario, consider instead what is actually known.

The world tends to call those who look at the positive as being too optimistic, but what if everything else is forming a current storyline created in your mind in order to explain what is not known?  What if the person is sleeping, or working, forgot, her phone's battery is dead?  Possibly something truly is bothering this friend, but the reality is, this is not certain information.  

Begin by asking what the facts are and what is being added to the facts.  This one simple question can interrupt an enormous amount of anxiety.  While the feelings being felt are real, they lack the ability to be foolproof and are often predictions.

If you feel that you have been rejected, that feeling is indeed real.  That does not necessarily mean that you have been rejected.

If you feel embarrassed, that does not mean that everyone is focusing on your mistake.

If you feel as though you cannot handle something, that does not mean you are not capable of handling it.

While a feeling deserves a moment to be acknowledged, it does not deserve the right to navigate and make the decision.  

Sometimes the tendency to compare your life to others is a dangerous action.  The possibility exists that you might be comparing your actual life with the presentation of someone else's life.  For instance, you see the social media posting of a picture.  You do not see the aggravation that happened before that picture.  You see the beautiful picture of the vacation, but you do not see the loneliness.  You see that selfie and think wow!  You do not see the umpteen different pictures that did not make the cut.  You see the accomplishment but not the fear that she would not make it or the times she gave up or wanted to quit.

Take the brief pause and step back ensuring you are in the right mind space first before checking the possible storyline and determine what is known.  Look beyond the presentation and give the right information.  Put your phone down and break away from the temptations to compare and allow imagination full reign over your thoughts.  Give yourself that break and permit the disconnect with the chaos.  Take a walk outside and capture what you see, feel, hear and can touch to reorient yourself.

Anxiety gains strength when everything stays locked up inside your head.  Find a reputable person to talk to such as a mentor, parent, trusted adult, counselor.  And when anxiety's alarm bells go off, pause and breathe.  Feel your lungs expanding, hold it there and release it slowly.  Then ask yourself what actually happened?  What am I fearing might happen?  What part of this is within my control?  What part do I need to let go?  What is one solid healthy thing that I can do next?

Your future is forming a little at a time.  You can take it one step at a time and sometimes moment by moment.  The courage to address this and take the steps is one step in the right direction.  Keep pressing forward.  You've got this!